Elements of Elegance.: Soul Deep

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Soul Deep

"You're so awkward."
             I used to hear that phrase, a lot. But that was years ago, three winters ago to be specific. Back when I wasn't comfortable at school, at home, at church, nor in my own skin. Awkwardness defined me, or at least that's what I was taught to think. I know my friends said it jokingly and the others around me said it through their actions, but to me it seemed to hold a certain truth. And that "truth" of awkwardness settled deep in the chambers of my heart.
             But now, two summers passed, I can say with certainty that I've changed, I've discovered the essence of confidence. I've become selfless for the selfish, discovering that in helping others I in turn help myself. Above all, I don't want anyone else to believe the lie I believed. Who I truly am and who I was made to be is to use my past pain to help other's present pain.
            I believed in the depths of my heart that awkward was what defined me. When all this time, that lie was only trying to cover the truth that I have a lot of love to share with people. And finally, I have shared that love genuinely, wholeheartedly, without holding back. Yet, still after months of silence, it comes back.
             "You're so awkward."
             And it's hard, it really is. I can't keep ignoring the lies. That little phrase - so distant, yet so familiar - flutters restlessly in my heart and still cuts soul deep.

2 comments:

AnonymousAugust 8, 2011 at 11:03 AM
that "lie" you see as a curse
maybe something that should be viewed as a blessing
something that you can share with those in common
that little awkwardness
that unconscious defiance against the status quo
refusal to fit in, blend in, and act like everyone else
it is what makes people laugh, makes people smile, and makes people say, that's so joyce
your "awkwardness" is what shapes your personality, not defines you, but draws people to you
with the way anyone can connect, without feeling judged, because you're one of them- the imperfect people

~Joy
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J♥YCE.August 8, 2011 at 12:40 PM
Thanks Joy, I totally know what you mean.
My issue with this phrase is that I believe I have changed in great ways in the recent year and my idea that awkward never has been a good thing. Awkward implies that I make other people feel uncomfortable, and that's exactly what I don't want to do.

But I agree that I'm not perfect and no one is, and I love that I can connect with other people's pain when it is similar to my past pain. The fact of the matter is that I want to use my past to show that people can grow out of that pain. I don't want to be the same as I was.

Thanks again for the little ditty of encouragement, love.
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Updates

I think there is a general misconception that you write poems because you ‘have something to say.’ I think, actually, that you write poems because you have something echoing around in the bone-dome of your skull that you cannot say. Poetry allows us to hold many related tangential notions in very close orbit around each other at the same time. The ‘unsayable’ thing at the center of the poem becomes visible to the poet and reader in the same way that dark matter becomes visible to the astrophysicist. You can’t see it, but by measure of its effect on the visible, it can become so precise a silhouette you can almost know it.

-Rebecca Lindenberg

The Elements

Language - Words are the essence of life. Sure, a picture is worth a thousand words, but a string of words added together can convey so much meaning and emotion. I think poetry is fantastic, because it's so free and improvisational, yet it can give off so much life and reason. The simplicity and brevity of a poem makes it so much more enjoyable. Ever since I read House on Mango Street, vignettes have kind of been my favorite. It's simply beautiful.
Imagery - It always amazes me how much beauty there is in the world, and how our eyes can perceive it so easily. A picture captures this splendor in one second of time. There's so much that can happen in a photo - lighting, angle, color, timing, depth. It's pretty darn cool.
Movement - Film is like photography to the next level. It's not just a moment, but a coupla' moments altogether. And there's even more stuff you can do with video. The sequence of scenes, the timing, the zoom, angle, lighting, whatever. Film can contain so many implications that it's hard to keep track of all the feelings, but that's what's amazing about it.
Sound - Without the infinite different noises that we hear day to day and in music, life would be boring. And movies would lack all excitement and enjoyability. Somehow, sounds are able to convey meaning and feelings, and elevate them. It's kind of necessary to life.

It is these elements together that create the facets of the art that I so value. Even so, this is just a small piece of the lemon cake. There is so much more I can't contain in a small blog and so much more yet to discover.

The Purpose

Do I appreciate art? Absolutely.
Do I make my own? No doubt.
Am I skilled at it? I'm not at justice to say.
But I hope you can get a taste of my art and what I consider good art, righthere.
Art isn't just visual. It is linguistic, vocally and hearingly (?). It is still and moving. It is full of emotion and life.

Poetry and Photography are two of the biggest things I admire.
The way that poetry can capture strong feelings and a few words is so amazing. And photography is just so wide-ranging, I love it.

This is just a blog to show my artsy side and appreciation for the simple beauties in the world.
I would love to get all the feedback I can get. Constructive criticism is completely welcome, the best thing you can do for me is help me improve, by telling me what you like and what you don't.
I truly believe that anyone who takes the time to read these things I write and view the pictures I take has the great talent inside of them, or else you wouldn't be looking into what I make. It's an interest in these things that makes them look better in you. Sometimes, you are what you love.

I also have a more diary-like blog. Just ask if you want to read it (:

The Inspiration

The inspiration for the website name: modpodge hedgehog came from a book I read for English Class.
It's called Elegance of the Hedgehog and it's by Muriel Barbury. It's definitely an interesting read. It's fiction, but it involves travel, culture, philosophy, big words, and a cool title. Definitely recommend it, even though there are parts in it that I don't completely agree with. Though the ending may not feel satisfying for some, the parts that lead up to it are wonderfully written and elaborated on.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this as it easily invokes deeper thought and may help you realize how precious life is - and how you make it a life worth lived.

Elements of Elegance.

Elements

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Soul Deep

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