Making Memories, Memories Melting

I saw Mr. Wade today. For the first time in a long time, nearly 30 months of time. The meeting was so unexpected and in the midst of unexpectedness so profound. There's always something special about accidental run-in reunions; the way that two people's paths cross at the exact right place and right time at one select instant in infinity, just like the way their friendship began in the first place - a meaningful meeting in a moment of eternity.
             Mr. Wade was always an inspirational teacher to me. He was just a junior high gym instructor, but made a big impact on me nonetheless. I just remember how he would joke with the popular kids, like basketball coaches tend to selectively do to their students. Yet, Mr. Wade still made sure to always talk to me. And I'll forever appreciate that; he saw something in me that I couldn't see in myself at the time - and that's what distinguishes an impactful teacher from an ordinary teacher. And I figured I'd never forget him, but I guess the whole lack of seeing him every school day - like any other relationship with a lack of physically seeing a person does - changed things that shouldn't have been changed.
             I'm not sure how I let him leave my memory so easily, but the truth is I let it happen. Seeing him for the first time in forever, the conversation amounted to about a few minutes of simple, short, surface-level stories of life's current situation, but even a conversation like that was comforting. It's really the past and the memories that gives the meeting meaning. Because no matter how much someone changes, those memories will stay the same. 
             And the memories rushed back in. At that moment, he made me realize how quickly someone can be removed from your life, and yet how easily they can come back into it. 
             I saw Mr. Wade today. And I won't let him go so easily this time around.

(Names changed for privacy)

Down

Now this is going to sound cliche - actually, as much as it can possibly get - and it's going to sound like my mom's opposite way of speaking - where she calls a person's actions amazing, when she really means ridiculous, but it's amazing to think that at one point we actually knew each other well. It's hard to believe that there was a time when we could both see potential for a lasting friendship.
             It began like perfection; everything clicked right in place.  And in just a short time, you really did change my life, greatly. Who I am today, I owe much to you, and I'm grateful. But there seemed to be a sudden turn of events, because slowly, everything faded away. But I wasn't expecting it to all come down down down to this. Because it seems that now, we're just a couple, of strangers again.
             I wish I could explain what happened and how and why, but then I would be able to explain everything, from the hopeful beginnings to the hopeless endings. And I can't even begin to describe how these things changed before my eyes and beyond what my mind ever expected.
             I wish I could say we never even were friends, because that's exactly how it feels right now, but I can't, because my life today, changed extraordinarily, is direct proof that at one moment in eternity, you cared about me and touched my soul. I won't say goodbye to my memories, but it's about time I officially said my goodbyes to you. I hope you find who you were meant to be, like you did for me.

Written for www.writersnotfighters.tumblr.com

Nightmares under the Nightsky

I tried to back away, farther and farther, but it was no use. The overwhelming sounds grew louder and louder, drew nearer and nearer, until all I could think about was the loud crash that would sound when the great noise caught up to me to seal my imminent fate. And I gave up, a cry of fear, but I wasn’t even sure if I had made a sound at all, for there was no silence to break, only deafening noises that drowned out everything I had learned to say.
             And when I couldn’t speak, and when I thought I could no longer hear, a voice broke the chaos. Not a whisper, like mine, but a voice that was strong, reverberating, and articulate. And He said, “Child, wake up. Your nightmares are only as strong as your spirit is weak. My son already died to rescue you from the thief who wants to steal, kill, and destroy your heart, but I have already taken up your heart to give you life, and I will protect you from harm. You, young and beautiful one, are now flawless in my eyes. You are the crown of my creation and I just want to love and protect you, if only you will allow me. Fear no more, child. One day you will be reunited with me for eternity.”
             I opened my eyes and saw above me a blanket of stars, created by my Father. And below me the surface of the boat, and under that, an expanse of swaying water, created by my Father. And for the first time, I cried, tears of joy, that flowed into the sea. And the surface of the sea gently caught every shining star in its reflection, like a mirror of my Father’s beautiful love.

Written for www.writersnotfighters.tumblr.com

I Met Autumn

I met Autumn today.
She greeted me with
open arms,
arms adorned by
sleeves of
brilliant color
that lit up
every single
sidewalk
and avenue
of life.

She said she would
stay for a while
and keep me company
before
Winter returned
to
my homeland.

And before
we parted ways
she sent me
a
refreshing breeze
that let my hair
fly loose
and lingered in my bones.

Forgetting Freedom

If only
it weren't so easy
to forget so often

If only

it weren't so difficult

to feel once more

the moment you
set me free,
unraveled my heart to see

 the instant you

gave me new life,

saved me from eternal strife

how beautiful
of a love
you have for me.

by captivating my once

dysfunctional heart of

stone.

Relishing Realism

Realness, rawness that I can feel
and genuineness against my fingernails.

Finding that the possibility
can become a reality.

Making the divide grow closer and closer
until all that remains is nothing supposed.

To satisfy my heart's desire
please don't relent the flames of your fire.

Beauty is when
you let yourself be truly your own again.

Swirling

Thoughts swirling
like a trillion plankton
caught in the current of
the ocean.

Forced by the will of the sea
to veer left
then right.

Travelling aimlessly
to another
nowhere.

Just Friends

I think
you misunderstood
our relationship.

Maybe
you thought
I was getting over you.

But
what if
I was just never into you?

I'm so
sorry for
disappointing you.

Oh Sweet Contrast

There's nothing worse

There's nothing better

than realizing

than discovering

the sinking truth

the exhilarating reality

that he has forgotten about you,

that he is thinking about you,

never really did care,

always really did cherish,

never noticed you.

always will love you.

Soul Deep

"You're so awkward."
             I used to hear that phrase, a lot. But that was years ago, three winters ago to be specific. Back when I wasn't comfortable at school, at home, at church, nor in my own skin. Awkwardness defined me, or at least that's what I was taught to think. I know my friends said it jokingly and the others around me said it through their actions, but to me it seemed to hold a certain truth. And that "truth" of awkwardness settled deep in the chambers of my heart. 
             But now, two summers passed, I can say with certainty that I've changed, I've discovered the essence of confidence. I've become selfless for the selfish, discovering that in helping others I in turn help myself. Above all, I don't want anyone else to believe the lie I believed. Who I truly am and who I was made to be is to use my past pain to help other's present pain.
            I believed in the depths of my heart that awkward was what defined me. When all this time, that lie was only trying to cover the truth that I have a lot of love to share with people. And finally, I have shared that love genuinely, wholeheartedly, without holding back. Yet, still after months of silence, it comes back.
             "You're so awkward."
             And it's hard, it really is. I can't keep ignoring the lies. That little phrase - so distant, yet so familiar - flutters restlessly in my heart and still cuts soul deep.

Corruption

is a sand castle
being disintegrated
one miniscule grain of
sparkling sand
at a time.

It is a small speckled pebble
on a hillside
at the verge
of falling over the edge
and plunging straight down.

It is a child
once innocent and pure
with a desire to tell his first white lie
to get rid of the sinking weight
of cookies in his stomach.

It is inevitably nearing,
simply a sad sight to see.
Something once beautiful -
now broken -
leaving us empty and silent.

Let Down

Accident this, unfortunate coincidence that.
I move on along, you just stay put.
Pulling the strings, pushing me away.
One step forward, and another one back.
Getting nowhere, opposites don't attract.

Plans fall apart,
everything goes wrong.
Petty excuses formulate, 
nothing is ever right.

At the end of the day,
I'm not sure what you value,
anymore.

And frankly, I'm tired of it.
Cause when push comes to shove,
you're always just a let down.

On the Move

Life
is everchanging, evershifting, evermorphing.

Every moment that escapes us
contributes to the vastness of nonuniformity.

No constants, no straight lines, no clear directions.
Not even the contrast of black and white.

Just
a long walk
down a winding road
that twists and turns
and never stops for a rest.

Forgotten & Forlorn

He forgot who I was,
lost interest, losing interest.
A gap in the savings that I'd poured into long ago.

And awkward
is what I'm left to make out of it.
An awfully awkward ending
to a perfectly promising beginning.

That spark of hope,
that fuse of potential
was slowly stifled out.
Into this.

One Trip from Falling

When you've got everything, it feels like there's nothing to lose. Because in the moment, it's easy to forget how elementarily simple it becomes to lose everything you once had. 

And I wish I had that principle, wrapped around in my head, to keep me from this demise.
But now I'm, one small mistake, one trip on the slightest pebble, away from falling. Falling all the way down.
And everything I once had seems like nothing, worthless. Because when one stitch fell out, the rest came unraveling apart.

Then, at the end of the tunnel, I realize that all along I had everything I needed, more than enough. But the memories are in the past now, the passed. Perpetually fleeting and flitting away from reality.

When Everything Falls In Place

I once heard of a 20-year old Mayan man who was born deaf, never aware that there was such a thing as language. He lived his whole life in a murky daze, thinking that the movements people made with their mouths was some kind of alien way of communication they'd made. That day he realized the concept of language, that he'd lived nearly two decades in vain, he was moved, moved to tears.
            His story is the essence of life change. The way I imagine the man felt is the way I feel. Something that I thought made sense, I now realize was only a small piece of the truth. And now, the sun seems brighter. The songs seem livelier. And the smiles are happier.
            If only I'd known earlier, I think. But now that I know, this is the best feeling ever. And I'm glad I'm feeling it.

Bears & Chairs

There once was a girl named Claire,

Who loved to chew gummy bears,

One day a find,

She changed her mind,

And now she eats her chairs.

written December 18, 2007 for a Poetry Project

In Love with Lotion

There once lived a boy by the ocean,

Who daily applied his floral-y lotion,

It smelled of flowers,

To enhance his powers,

Causing girls to run with sickened emotion.

written on December 18, 2007 for a Poetry Project

Stalker

I know you know who I am.
I know that I don't know you.
And, you know what?
I trust and believe every word you've said.

And I know you don't want me to find out who you are,
But that's far from the truth.

And I bet,
You probably think the mystery of me not knowing who you are is me suffering,
slowly eating away at my curiosity and inquisitions.
But actually, to be quite frank, your identity is just kind of there.
Waiting to be revealed.
And I don't mind, if it takes its own sweet time.

I hope you know that.
No, I'm not that easy to string.
You won't leave me hanging, hungry - as you hide.
I know, time will tell.

Fleeting Feelings

Found Poem from Extremely Loud & Incredible Close by Jonathan Safran Foer

I didn't believe in things that couldn't be observed. I believe that things are extremely complicated.
I felt that night, incredibly close to everything in the universe, but also extremely alone.
I invented. I invented. The more I found, the less I understood.

If life was worth all the work it took to live, what exactly made it worth it?
A friction began to arise between Nothing and Something. We got worse, surrounded by Nothing.
The world is so big and small, in the same moment we were close and far.
How could such a lonely person have been living so close to me my whole life?

But I knew in the most protected part of my heart, the truth. It's simple, like a mountain is simple.
I want you to be happy, I want that more than I want happiness for myself, does that sound simple?
Anyway.

I am leaving. I turned around and walked away, I didn't look back, I won't.
I am gone, I am no longer here.

But now I am alive and I can't stop thinking about how I hadn't noticed before, even though I was trying as hard as I could to notice everything:
I'm Happy! That whole time I was happy!
And I could not believe I laughed. I had everything.

And the mistakes I made are dead to me. But I can't take back the things I never did.
I'll never write another word again.

With Love, Your Father. 

Written on January 5, 2010  for an Independent Reading Found Poem assignment, for the book Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer