The Well

A went to a panel on wellness
and they didn't mention God
How did they define what's well and good?
What did they applaud?

Apparently
activity
achievement by humanity
productivity
profitability
propensity to defy gravity

Bombarded with tasks
Emptied with baths
Pushed to not stop
Pulled to not fraught

Filled with questions:
What do I want?
To meal prep?
To treat mah self?
To eat out with friends?
To netflix & binge?

Their answers to self care
made me fully aware
that Solomon was right
in Ecclessiastes he did write
"I applied my heart
to know wisdom and
to know madness and folly.
I perceived that this also is but
a striving after wind."

And I?
I want only to be
Stilled

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"Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind."
-Ecclesiastes 4:6

A Conversation with Myself

Leave this cit/adel
     where relying on circumstances
     is like a massive wall
     guarding a fortress of fear

Run away from this hom/icide
     murdered is my good intention,
     slain is someone's trust,
     dead are dreams and amendments

Go back to famil/iarizing myself
     with Wisdom's face,
     with God's grace,
     with Kingdom vision on which my worldview I base

Making Memories, Memories Melting

I saw Mr. Wade today. For the first time in a long time, nearly 30 months of time. The meeting was so unexpected and in the midst of unexpectedness so profound. There's always something special about accidental run-in reunions; the way that two people's paths cross at the exact right place and right time at one select instant in infinity, just like the way their friendship began in the first place - a meaningful meeting in a moment of eternity.
             Mr. Wade was always an inspirational teacher to me. He was just a junior high gym instructor, but made a big impact on me nonetheless. I just remember how he would joke with the popular kids, like basketball coaches tend to selectively do to their students. Yet, Mr. Wade still made sure to always talk to me. And I'll forever appreciate that; he saw something in me that I couldn't see in myself at the time - and that's what distinguishes an impactful teacher from an ordinary teacher. And I figured I'd never forget him, but I guess the whole lack of seeing him every school day - like any other relationship with a lack of physically seeing a person does - changed things that shouldn't have been changed.
             I'm not sure how I let him leave my memory so easily, but the truth is I let it happen. Seeing him for the first time in forever, the conversation amounted to about a few minutes of simple, short, surface-level stories of life's current situation, but even a conversation like that was comforting. It's really the past and the memories that gives the meeting meaning. Because no matter how much someone changes, those memories will stay the same. 
             And the memories rushed back in. At that moment, he made me realize how quickly someone can be removed from your life, and yet how easily they can come back into it. 
             I saw Mr. Wade today. And I won't let him go so easily this time around.

(Names changed for privacy)

Down

Now this is going to sound cliche - actually, as much as it can possibly get - and it's going to sound like my mom's opposite way of speaking - where she calls a person's actions amazing, when she really means ridiculous, but it's amazing to think that at one point we actually knew each other well. It's hard to believe that there was a time when we could both see potential for a lasting friendship.
             It began like perfection; everything clicked right in place.  And in just a short time, you really did change my life, greatly. Who I am today, I owe much to you, and I'm grateful. But there seemed to be a sudden turn of events, because slowly, everything faded away. But I wasn't expecting it to all come down down down to this. Because it seems that now, we're just a couple, of strangers again.
             I wish I could explain what happened and how and why, but then I would be able to explain everything, from the hopeful beginnings to the hopeless endings. And I can't even begin to describe how these things changed before my eyes and beyond what my mind ever expected.
             I wish I could say we never even were friends, because that's exactly how it feels right now, but I can't, because my life today, changed extraordinarily, is direct proof that at one moment in eternity, you cared about me and touched my soul. I won't say goodbye to my memories, but it's about time I officially said my goodbyes to you. I hope you find who you were meant to be, like you did for me.

Written for www.writersnotfighters.tumblr.com

Hourglass

Pitter Patter, Pitter Patter. Drops of water fall from the darkened starry sky, as I sit awake in the safeties of my home. Click click click click, goes the keyboard as my essay starts to form. The rest is silence, as my house stirs to sleep, minus me.

But all I hear is the pitter patter-ing, reminding me of the seconds that tick by slowly. The seconds that I’m losing from the time I could be snuggled up and dreaming, the seconds of sand specks that fall in the hourglass of my lifetime.

Suddenly, I’m imagining the first time I went to SeaWorld at 3, and moving away from my best friend at 4, then hearing the boy yell “I love you” on the last day of 5^th grade. Like a child, I wish I could hop into a time machine and change my past. I wish I could time travel and shape my future. Just as soon as I’m daydreaming, I snap back into reality, the reality being that I have an essay to finish. Time seems to drag on as strands of words construct themselves into sentences, then paragraphs.

            It is in this seemingly insignificant moment where I realize time moves so fast, yet so slow. But it keeps on moving and isn’t afraid to leave us behind. Every moment can be magical, but only if you allow it to be.

written May 22, 2010 for a House on Mango Street assignment for the subject of rain